By Roy Waldrom
Independence (as in “freedom”) Freedom from control or influence of another or others.

To say that a person is independent is a total misnomer. Man is a created being, thus under something, or someone. Independence can be rightly described as being apart from the relationship and responsibility that an individual should be rightly connected to. What controls people in most cases is what they love, or hate, things they are bound to emotionally. People cry freedom. There is no such thing other than being free in the inner man by having love, joy and peace reigning. This is only obtained when rightly related to God. For that to happen there has to be an absence of man’s judgment. The Bible was never to be a book of a set of laws to follow. It was written to inform man about relationship with the creator and his creation. The law was given to stop people who do not have a relationship from killing each other. Relationship A state of connectedness between people, especially an emotional connection. A state of relatedness or connection, by blood, or marriage, or adoption. No one knows our weaknesses better than we ourselves, our partners. Those we let get close and witness what we are like first thing in the morning, under pressure or when we get tired. 1 Corinthians 12 has a record of the physical body with it’s many members, but to work they must all accept each other. When Father God made man, He made them male and female. Here is the crunch: Both are the same yet different, yet both need each other to be whole. To be whole in this sense means to be complete. To be free to choose, man was given independence. You are free to choose. For each part of the body to function in its fullness it had to be made complete in itself, independently complete. When man was created the creator had a plan in mind, which was that man would operate in communication and harmony with Him. Also the creator put within the 2 parts of man different responsibilities: The Male to protect and provide security, the Female to nurture and be protected. Relationships are all about dying to independence and through communication growing and staying together. Most people have come from a very independent background. This also creates loneliness. Independence cries out for fellowship and at the same time cries out for space. All day long we do things independently from our wives, husbands, or others, and they from us, and both have a choice to judge or not to judge, to break or stay together. Being independent will not break a marriage but judging independence will. All relationships are broken through judgments. Why do people not want to get married these days? They don’t want responsibility of dealing with independence. When a man and woman marry, they need to die to independence. If they don’t, from that moment on they will fight desperately to maintain their independence. With children added to the mix, the fight gets stronger. Jesus, out of his compassion and love for us, is desiring we surrender and let Him live in and through us, so that by His strength we can be all that He desires us to be to wife, husband, children and those we dwell among. When I (We) fight for independence, we activate manipulation, domination, and control. One way men emanate independence is by not communicating. Women emanate independence by accumulating all the knowledge they can. Having discovered independence, it is so easy to judge it, and became bound through that judgment. The natural response when witnessing anything out of order is to say that that is not right. Instead we should pray and ask Father in the name of Jesus what He thinks and desires as a response. By doing that, it shuts the door to man’s judgments. Eve was created as a helpmate. To be a helpmate she needed information. Satan offered Eve information apart from Adam when enticing her to eat of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. By eating from that tree, Eve became controlled by knowledge. For her, knowledge became an idol, controlling to a place of being all consuming. There are two types of idols, one external made of wood, stone (or what ever man desires to use) the other idol is in the heart, placed there because we either love something, to the place where emotionally bound to it and it controls. This would be a case like having a pet and not being able to leave it behind while on holiday and not worrying about it. The other possibility is that we hate it, and are bound to it emotionally, but with negative emotions. Every time we come in contact with it, what ever it is, we get upset, angry, mad. Adam by taking the fruit from Eve became controlled by Eve’s emotions. Emotions became an idol. A control causes the man to get churned up and not think straight or remain calm. When a woman is upset she speaks logic, bombarding the male with questions, inside angry. The male that is under emotional control manifests the woman’s emotions and reacts by either getting angry or going into silence. All males can communicate as long as there are no emotions involved. They can chat for any length of time about external issues.

Idolatry and its Fruit

When Christians cannot hear the voice of the Spirit it is because they are into idolatry.
Idols are made of wood or stone and have no ears to hear or eyes to see or a mouth to speak
Ps 115:4-8
Our son in-law could not hear the Lord’s voice over what to do with their van that had a sick motor. After I had spoken about idolatry at a gathering, he went home and asked Jesus what the idol was that was stopping him from hearing. The Holy Spirit told him the van was an idol in his heart, he repented of the idol and immediately heard what to do. Ezek 14. A clear example of idols in the heart and the result.
1. John 5:21. The reason men are exhorted to keep themselves from idols.
2. Personal Testimony. I came to Jesus at the age of 16, a lump of ignorant uncouth humanity full of rejection. I desired from that moment on to be truthful by following Jesus.
I had no idea that Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to do all that was required as long as I surrendered the independence that I had taken on board to protect myself from further hurt.
There are passages in the Bible that state clearly how men and women are to live in harmony, especially in marriage. Genesis 2:24. Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh [AMP]
Ephesians 5:22-33. 1 Corinthians 7: 1 Peter 3:7 Regarding Marriage When Married, a man and women become one flesh. What does it mean to become one flesh? One flesh = To be one in agreement, with a motive to bless Procreation is part of that. Marriage is a surrender of one’s Independence. It is Mutual submission. The submission has to be from the heart, not because of law or rules. Agreement = Blessing. No agreement = no blessing and strife. A marriage ceremony is to declare before God and man that the couple desire no longer to be independent. It is a declaration that the couple desire to bless each other, and do nothing without taking time to communicate and come to agreement in all they say and do. Having a marriage ceremony is to ask people to be a witness and to encourage the couple when they need to be reminded of their promises they said to each other before God and those listening. It is not differences that divide people, it is the judgments about each other that divides. The two key issues to make a strong marriage are respect and security. Men respond to respect. Women respond to being made secure. Where does independence start? Very early in life, when a child senses no oneness between his/her parents. No one is independent. There is a flip side to every situation. The flip side to independence is to have no identity and be totally dependent, which is often the result of rejection. (See notes on Rejection in the Ministry of Reconciliation seminar, also on this web site) People with no sense of identity look for validation to external things like education money, marriage, family, clubs [especially church] sport and food. The list is endless.
3. Take these away and they can end up in self- rejection, opening the door to a spirit of death. The end result of that can be suicide and many sicknesses including anorexia and Bulimia. People who know their identity, take all the external things away, and the reply will be as Job’s was, Job 1:20-21. “Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshiped, And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.” There are two places from which man gets his identity. First, from the one who created all things, Abba Father. Second our earthly father through whom came the seed of life. To have judgment towards either one opens the door for an orphan spirit to enter and control and thereby robs the person of identity and security. Self-sufficiency and arrogance are both fruits of independence.


Independence can be rightly described as being apart from the relationship and responsibility that an individual should be rightly connected to. Every one is controlled by someone, or some thing, but what controls them, in most cases, is out of order.

1. Independence can be defined as “being out of relationship”
2. A relationship which is rightly connected is one that is in communication and relationship with Father God, also relating to people out of love, seeking their highest good?
3. It is not “self” motivated. Interdependent is what we all need to be.
The first commandment Matthew 22:37-40 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.
On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. A clear description of love is found in 1 Corinthians 13. 13:1 If I [can] speak in the tongues of men and [even] of angels, but have not love (that reasoning, intentional, spiritual devotion such as is inspired by God’s love for and in us), I am only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 13:2 And if I have prophetic powers (the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), and understand all the secret truths and mysteries and possess all knowledge, and if I have [sufficient] faith so that I can remove mountains, but have not love (God’s love in me) I am nothing (a useless nobody). 13:3 Even if I dole out all that I have [to the poor in providing] food, and if I surrender my body to be burned or in order that I may glory, but have not love (God’s love in me), I gain nothing. 13:4 Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is
not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. 13:5 It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. 13:6 It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. 13:7 Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. 13:8 Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy (the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth]. 13:9 For our knowledge is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect), and our prophecy (our teaching) is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect). 13:10 But when the complete and perfect (total) comes, the incomplete and imperfect will vanish away (become antiquated, void, and superseded). 13:11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; now that I have become a man, I am done with childish ways and have put them aside. 13:12 For now we are looking in a mirror that gives only a dim (blurred) reflection [of reality as in a riddle or enigma], but then [when perfection comes] we shall see in reality and face to face! Now I know in part (imperfectly), but then I shall know and understand fully and clearly, even in the same manner as I have been fully and clearly known and understood [by God]. 13:13 And so faith, hope, love abide [faith–conviction and belief respecting man’s relation to God and divine things; hope–joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation; love–true affection for God and man, growing out of God’s love for and in us], these three; but the greatest of these is love.
Finally. The spirit of the age in western nations is selfishness. Along with this goes a large spirit of independence fed by the spirit that wants people not to be responsible. In New Zealand the state is taking away responsibility of the individual, yet on the other hand is appearing to let people be responsible which is a big joke. This is a Jezebel spirit to a “T”. As I look at young people seemingly teaming up, some marry, some just live together, many of these are traveling the world as couples, having sex yet all the time neither being responsible for the other, in-fact the girls are in no way expecting the boys to take responsibility for them as long as they can be in control. If they loose control they are a screaming mess. All this is fine on the surface, plus as long as they are not tied down with any sort of responsibility, especially children. Responsibility is a dirty word, an enemy of independence.

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